Freud defined sexual desire as the primary motivational energy of human life and everything, both good and bad, seems to stem from the expression or repression of our sex drive.
People have since wondered whether there are any other forces at work, but we cannot deny the cutting power of sexual desire. In our modern society, it is not difficult to see the powerful role that sexual desire plays among people of all ages.
It seems that magazines, movies, advertising, fashion or any form of mass communication need to titillate their customers if they want to make big money and be successful. The porn industry is one of the most successful industries for selling this idea – and it makes billions every year.
We could wonder that even if we put sexual desire aside, what we would replace the empty gap with as life seems a constant and sometimes frustrating ‘mating game’, where sexual fantasy consumes a great part of our daily energy.
The big question is: will aging necessarily lead us to better control of our sexual desires? In most other areas of living we tend to develop some kind of maturity and skills where experience helps us to make ‘better-informed’ choices. Yet for many people sexual desire is like the eternal Sisyphus myth, where every moment could signify a new confusing and repetitive beginning with raw and unsettling emotions.
Aging does not seem to help this ‘controlling sexual desires’ process, as our minds can be very active in creating new sexual fantasies. Even being in a relationship does not mean that you no longer need to struggle with your unfulfilled sexual fantasies. Sexual desire can be seen as a ticking bomb that is waiting to explode and people find different ways of easing the pressure: porn, casual sex, exercise, drugs, alcohol, masturbation, prostitution, shopping, eating.
In fact, these can help temporarily, but sometimes the more long-lasting answers seem to be less clear-cut. Desperation for new sexual encounters could start controlling our lives to the point where our self-beliefs would be put in question. We might start making choices that we would regret greatly in the future as it could be really difficult to find a balance between coping with strong sexual desire and aging with informed choices.
If you have also been struggling to find a more solid answer to this dilemma I would recommend a professional relationship that would allow you to experience a non-judgemental space to explore all the possibilities of aging with dignity and facing the turmoil of sexual desire.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us at Regent’s Practice if you live in London or you would like a consultation by Skype.
Marco Cortez
Psychotherapist/Counsellor/Supervisor
Regent’s Practice in London W1
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